This blog is dedicated…¹
First. To my dear student who applied deodorant in the middle of my lecture.
Just so we’re clear – you know I see you, right ? As you turn your head to the side to take a whiff, reach into your backpack for your Lady Speed Stick, and then put on the enchanting scent under each arm. I see you.
Thank you for keeping it real in the classroom.
And thank you for testing my abilities as a professor. I am proud to report I kept a straight face the whole time you took care of business. My lecture on divine revelation just kept rolling along. I hope you highlighted this under-appreciated skill in your end-of-semester evaluation.2
To the man using his electric shaver on 35E. While driving a silver Honda accord. In a construction zone.
I get it – your mornings are full. Maybe you have twelve tiny children, eight laying hens, a couple of dogs, and a partridge in a pear tree. Maybe you overslept because you were up late playing solitaire on your computer. Maybe you are just over this whole commuting-to-work thing. But for the sake of all of us other drivers going to our respective places of employment, please don’t groom behind the wheel. I won’t shave my armpits while driving if you won’t shave your neck – deal? Awesome. Good talk.
To Delta Airlines.
We’re out of sync, aren’t we? It’s like we’ve grown apart. Perhaps a DTR is in order.
First, let me be honest. This campaign, well, it isn’t working for me.
“Flight time is your time” said no one ever who has flown with tiny ones.
Oh, Delta. We have traveled miles and miles together. For years I even had a special place in your heart: status. When your first class wasn’t full, you gave me upgrades. And fancy drinks. Dinners. Bottled water. You treated me so well.
And now, our relationship has cooled, hasn’t it? These days I’m flying a lot less. Without upgrades. In economy. With a squirmer.
I hope we can still be friends. I still need you to give me rides to and from Minnesota. And I know you’ve still got my number. (My frequent flyer number, that is.)
With more Os than Xs,
1 This is the first of a recurring blog segment that is all about giving credit to the people who keep life wacky in my world.
I have been writing these “acknowledgements” in my head for as long as I can remember. And actually, the acknowledgments section is one of my favorite parts of academic work. Why? Because sometimes these words of gratitude have a fair bit of “subtext” in them. This is the space where us academics can stick it to the man, add goofiness, and even throw in some snark. This write up on slate.com tells all about it.
(On a related note, this fall I was introduced to Jen Hatmaker’s writing in a wine-cheese-crackers-amazingness book group. Jen has these amazing chapters in her book For the Love called “Thank You Notes.” They resonated with my soul, friends. My acknowledgements here are a little bit like her expressions of gratitude to the folks in her world. So thank you, Jen!)
2 I love my students and have a lot of respect for them. The deodorant-applying student discussed here knows she is in this blog post. We had time to chat over the course of the semester, and she’s awesome, friends! But the guy on 35E? Yeah, he has no idea he is in this post.